Frustrated

I'm sure I have mentioned that we receive recruitment emails every now and then from the agency. In an email like this it gives us information about an expectant mother (EM) and her baby. We can respond if we are interested in being considered for the baby or we can do nothing. If we respond that we are interested than the agency sends out more information and we can either go forward or decide the baby isn't a good fit for us.

We received a recruitment email in November and were interested in being considered for the baby...so did 19 other couples and we weren't chosen. We knew our chances were slim, but we had hope. Rejection hurts! We received another email this week with information on a EM and her baby that we wanted to be considered for. Yesterday, we received more information about the EM and baby and after researching a few of our concerns we decided not to move forward.

What frustrated me while researching the issues/concerns (I can't be specific due to privacy issues.) was the simple fact that I'm having to research what effects a baby could have due to the choices the EM has made or is making. Yes, I know women put their babies up for adoption for a reason and the situation isn't going to be perfect, but if I could have my own baby I wouldn't do anything that could affect his/her health. Life is a precious gift, and I'm having a really hard time understanding why I can't have a baby of my own!!!!!

Sandy Hook

My heart breaks for all the children, teachers and families that have been affected by the horrific event that occurred on Friday. This tragedy has affected me more than any other shooting. I found myself crying as I watched the news reports this weekend. While I don't have a child of my own...I do teach a classroom full of 8 and 9 year olds. Yes, some of them are frustrating at times, but I would never want anything to happen to any of them. They are so young and still have full lives ahead of them. It makes me want to teach with my classroom door locked, but I don't want to live in fear either.

I pray for the victims, their families, and the Sandy Hook community. I pray that the teachers find the strength to continue their school year leading their students to success. I pray that the students who survived can return to a normal childhood in the coming weeks and months.

Win-Win Situation

The wishbone from our turkey has been sitting on the top of our stove since Thanksgiving. We forgot about it, but finally decided to break it today. I'm sure we both had very similar wishes, so I wasn't too concerned with breaking the bigger piece...even though I did. Maybe my wish will come true!?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for...

a wonderful and supportive family!

a fantastic husband that cooks Thanksgiving dinner!

wonderful friends to laugh with!

a fabulous class this school year!

my health!

my cuddly cat, Trixie!

seafood, peanut butter and chocolate! :)

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and take time to enjoy the people and things you are thankful for!!!  

 

Everything Happens For A Reason

Through this journey of becoming parents there is one saying that I hear over and over again..."Everything happens for a reason." Well I found the best quote on Pinterest...

"The Hardest Part of accepting the saying "Everything happens for a reason" is waiting for that reason to come along."

Happy National Adoption Month!

 

Holding On

A friend posted this song on Facebook and it hit me when I listened to it. My relationship with God has been strained over the last few months. I'm finding it hard to figure out why so many people around me are happily announcing baby news and we still have no news. I get on Facebook and someone is pregnant...I go to work and I get another email about a pregnancy. I'm happy for everyone, but when I read or hear about those happy moments I "sink".

There were so many little ones dressed up for Halloween last night. We enjoyed passing out candy, but wishing we could be taking our little one around the neighborhood. Anyway, enjoy the song and maybe it will speak to you...

Holding On by Jamie Grace

42!!

42!! That is the number of couples currently waiting for placement in South Carolina with our agency. The number just seems to get higher and higher. I read couples' profiles as they get posted and there are so many deserving families, but it is hard to see families go up that already have children especially ones that have biological children. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I just want ONE child!!!

Supportive Blogger

When I follow other women's' blogs...I start to feel like I know them even though I haven't ever met or talked to them. I have been following one blog since her and her husband went though fertility treatments and she follows mine. She was fortunate in that her IVF worked, and she had twin girls. It is kind of ironic because she just moved from New Hampshire to Mansfield, Ohio. (A town I grew up near and where my dad lived for a couple of years.) Now, I follow her through her life with twins.

I haven't been on here in several weeks because I have been so busy, there hasn't been much to say and honestly when I get on the blog I look at all the other blogs I follow and sometimes it makes me emotional. Anyway, she posted an encouraging comment a couple weeks ago with a quote that was much appreciated...

"I don't believe that God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on... Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution..." ~Author Unknown

First Day of Fall

I can't believe it is almost the end of September. The weather is getting cooler, football games are in full swing, and parent teacher conferences are taking place. I've been pretty busy and haven't had much time to think about adoption...until yesterday. 

We received paper work on Friday from the agency to update our background checks. It hit me that last year at this time we were filling out our formal application.

I continue to watch women around me announce their pregnancies and prepare for their bundles of joy. Maybe we aren't meant to be parents, maybe we need to look into adopting an older child...so much to ponder as we continue to wait.

I hope everyone enjoys the cooler days of fall, the nail biting football games, and the changing colors in nature!

Staying Strong

About two and a half weeks ago our social worker called with some positive news that was hard not to share with everyone, but we needed to stay guarded. There was a birth mother in another state that wanted to place her baby out of her state. She had narrowed her search down to us and two other couples...of course we were ecstatic, but tried not to get overly excited. Anyway, after a hopeful couple of weeks I found out Wednesday evening that the birth mother was no longer working with the agency and had found a family through another avenue.

Of course we are heartbroken and tired of being disappointed. I know I've said it so many times, but I'm really tired of disappointment! I wish we hadn't known we were so close, but the social worker had to call since it was a baby out of state. I'm happy for the family that the baby will be placed with and know that he/she wasn't meant to be part of our family for some reason.

We have only been a waiting family for 5 months which isn't very long, and we are hopeful that we won't have to wait too much longer. We will continue to be patient and stay strong!

Last Day

Today is the last day of summer! It has flown by. I'm ready to go back to keep my mind occupied, but not ready to give up the relaxation that summer brings with it. It has been a summer filled with important discussions, many emotions, relaxation, giving back and time spent with family and friends. I have opened my heart up to more possibilities than I had ever imagined I would before adoption. This summer and the whole journey to become a parent continues to allow me to grow stronger as a person and reflect on what is truly important in life. My dad sent me the perfect birthday card...

"Even before she arrives, you want your daughter's world to be perfect. You want her to be happy and  surrounded by love. You want her to be sure of herself, gentle but strong, with nothing to worry about. But real life's not like that. The years come and go, bringing her trials and triumphs, joys and sorrows. And you still want her world to be perfect, but you can see that she is sure of herself, surrounded by love, and gentle but strong. And you can see that she is who she is because life challenged her to grow and become more amazing every year."

When we finally add a son or daughter to our family I will want this same thing for my child!

So...Michael and I continue to wait. It's funny....when we started this process I was the pessimistic one and Michael the optimist...the roles have reversed a little. I KNOW next summer my days will be filled with the excitement of a little one, but until then I have twenty some eight year olds for approximately seven hours a day to keep me busy!

Cancer Free

Judith, the teenager with cancer at the Ronald McDonald house that I have blogged about a couple of times, is cancer free! Her latest CAT Scan showed the tumor is gone. She was suppose to receive chemo until November/December, but now her last treatment will be next week. I'm thrilled for her...she will now get to start at her new school on the first day of classes and hopefully start living her life as a teenager again. It just shows the impact that a positive outlook can have on a tough situation!!

I'm Having Their Baby

I started watching a new series on Oxygen  called I'm Having Their Baby (10:00pm on Mondays). Each episode follows two different birth mothers who make adoption plans for their unborn babies. I've watched two so far and each birth mother's story has been a little different. Our agency, in another state, was the agency used in one of the episodes. It is really insightful because I'm able to see the other side of the adoption process and the emotions that the birth mothers go through. I have so much respect for the love they have for their babies by giving them a chance at a better life. It is definitely an emotional show...especially when a birth mother changes her mind and decides to parent instead or when a birth mother says goodbye to her child. 

Get Away

Michael and I decided to get away for a couple of days to Asheville, NC. We went there a couple years ago and did the Biltmore and Chimney Rock so this time we decided to explore the downtown area and go white water rafting. Instead of staying in a hotel, I found a cute cottage in the mountains overlooking Asheville. It was only 3 miles from downtown, but it felt like we were so far away. Check out the views...

Our Cottage

Cottage's Deck

Gorgeous View!! The red roof is the Grove Park Inn.

Enjoying the view at night. 

I loved white water rafting!!! We rafted down the French Broad River and learned it is the 3rd oldest river behind the Nile and the New River.They weren't huge rapids, but we did get wet and we even jumped out to float down the river. I told Micheal that I need to quit teaching and be a rafting guide...a lot less stress. I wish I could have taken a picture of what we were looking at while rafting...we did buy a photo that they took of our raft. The view of the mountains on the river will be my happy place when I get stressed this school year.

Fun Times

We also  enjoyed a few breweries and restaurants in downtown Asheville. I did learn that I'm not a very good navigator. :)

French Broad River Brewery

Pack's Tavern

We will definetly go back and stay in the same cottage. It cost about the same as a hotel, was bigger, and had a view I couldn't get enough of!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy Birthday, old man!! :) I wish I could celebrate with you! I love you and hope you have a wonderful day!

"Why Wouldn't I?"

My stepsister was at a church youth conference and heard this man speak and share his music, Peder Eide. My stepmom sent me the link to a short video on one of his songs that is about adoption. Check out his short video...

"Why Wouldn't I?"

Painted Head Flag

Judith, a cancer patient who stays at the Ronald McDonald House, had her head painted like a flag for July 4th. She is the teenager I wrote about in an earlier post. Please keep her in your prayers as she continues to battle her cancer!

Check out the link for pictures...

Painted Head Flag

Happy 4th!

In the spirit of July 4th I made a new wreath for our front door. It was pretty easy. I just wrapped yarn around a foam wreath and pinned on a few buttons. I saw it on Pinterest.

Happy Fourth of July! I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

Happy Birthday!

Happy 37th Birthday!! You may be getting older, but you are still a kid at heart! I hope you have a great birthday! 

I love you tons! 

Positive Spirit

I volunteered this morning and talked to a 15 year old girl and her mother for quite a while. This girl was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer a little over a month ago. She has a form on lymphoma. They were planning on moving from Columbus, Ohio to here this summer because her father was being transferred, but they had to leave a little early so she could start chemo.  She wasn't able to finish her school year and now stays at the House because the house they are building isn't done yet. She has already lost all of her hair. Having all these obstacles do deal with at such a young age...I must say she is the most upbeat, energetic, and delightful 15 year old! She is so positive and has a great outlook on life! If only everyone could be as positive and thankful as this teenager. I know with her positive spirit and great attitude she is going to kick cancer's butt and have many successful years to come!!! She will be in my prayers everyday!

Bubba and Angie Watson

Saw this clip on The Today Show this morning about Bubba (pro-golfer) and his wife. Angie summed up my feelings as a potential mother perfectly! I hope we will be as happy as them soon! 

Video Clip

Ronald McDonald House

I'm volunteering at the House every Monday and Friday for 3-4 hours. I've really enjoyed my first two times there. Friday I met a four year old girl who almost drown when she was two and has been through lots of therapy. She had the biggest smile and was so happy! Today I baked with a group of children who are volunteering in the house for vacation bible school. I also talked with a 20 year old mother who gave birth to twins in early May. She is staying at the house because her baby boys are in the NICU.

The house has eight bedrooms, several bathrooms, a big kitchen, living area, and two laundry rooms. Families stay there when they have a child at the hospital for different reasons. Some come for several nights in a row or sporadically in a time period. They have a couple of children with leukemia so they come when they have chemo treatments. The house is always at capacity with a pretty long waiting list. The longest a family has stayed at the house was around 180 days. Churches, organizations, and people deliver dinner every night to the house. They collect pop tabs as a way to earn money. You wouldn't believe the amount of pop tabs that they currently have at the house. People and organizations drop them off and send them.

I'm really glad I decided to volunteer my time. I feel good about helping others...even it is in a small way. If you want to collect pop tabs for the house...I will gladly accept them at anytime. :)

Please Sign

Please sign the petition to reinstate the Adoption Tax Credit and help support all families who are adopting!!! 

Click for Link

Baby Quilt

Our school has a teaching assistant who loves to quilt. She makes a quilt for every teacher who has a baby and presents it to them at their school baby shower. Last week she gave me the quilt she made for our baby and said she wanted me to have it in case I get a placement over the summer. I don't own a single quilt, but I LOVE this one!!! I only hope it brings us the luck we need!!! 

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Little Owls

Infertility Outsourcing

A Baby Made in India: A Couple's Dream Comes True

It seems like everything else in this country has been outsourced overseas...why not surrogacy too? It is sad that surrogacy has to be so expensive in the US that people have to use surrogates in India. 

I saw this story on The Today Show yesterday and I have mixed feelings about about it. I understand wanting a child so badly, but I'm not sure if I would choose this option. The reporter said that surrogacy is the last resort for people to become parents and Michael responded with...what about adoption? Adoption isn't an option for some people because they want their child to be a biological one. I respect that decision and I struggle with that every now and then, but I know that when our baby is placed in my arms...I'm going to love it just like I would a child that I gave birth to. My personal opinion is if you have to go across the globe to have a biological child via surrogacy...than why not adopt from the other side of the world and give a loving home to a child already in need? 

Almost Summer

One more week of school!!! I'm so ready for summer! My first couple of weeks are pretty busy. I'm attending a technology conference for two days the first week and some professional development the second week. We also have our family vacation in June, which I'm excited about. Unfortunately, I think June will fly by...hopefully July is a little slower. I hope to head to Ohio for a little while, but I haven't pinned down a week yet.

I was worried about not having much to do this summer. I'm not making any more money and will have more time on my hands so I plan on reading and relaxing. I'm also going to volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House. I have to attend a training session the first week we are out of school and then I can start. I'm excited to do something meaningful!

For the last several summers I have thought it would be my last one by myself. If I hadn't had my miscarriage our baby would be two this June. At some point my summers will be filled with activities and time spent with a child, but until then I will enjoy a quiet, relaxing summer.  (Although, I hope and pray it isn't quiet and we get a placement. I would take a busy, crazy summer for that reason ANY day!)

Strawberry Picking

We went strawberry picking last weekend at Cottle Strawberry Farm. The weather was perfect! Picking strawberries was a lot quicker than picking blueberries. They are delicious! 

We ate a few! 

I also bought this AMAZING cinnamon pecan bread! I splurged a little because it was $6.00, but worth every penny! I froze half of it to enjoy later.

Good Article

The One Question Never To Ask An Adoptive Parent

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to every mother, birthmother, step-mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother!!!! May your day be relaxing and special!

10 Years

Ten years ago today Michael and I went on our first date. I remember it perfectly. Tricia, my sister, was at my apartment helping me pick out my outfit. I must have changed at least 10 times. (Michael likes to call this the outfit game...I've done it a few times since we have been married.) Tricia always teases me because once she left...I changed again. :) I will never forget Michael's blue Steve Madden shoes...hated them! He took me to Brio at Easton followed by a show at Shadowbox Cabaret. After dinner and the show we decided we weren't ready for the date to end. We tried to see a late movie at the Lenox, but there was nothing good playing so we headed to a bar in Grandview. I can't remember the name of it, but I'm sure Michael can. He has a better memory than me. The date ended when he dropped me off and he didnt't even try to kiss me. :( Unlike most guys...he called me the next day and I guess you can say the rest is history!

Ten years has flown by! We've been through a lot of good times and sad times, but we have grown closer through it all! I love you tons, Michael!

99% Decided

Many of you have asked what I decided about my last post. I think I'm going to go for my National Board Certification. There will be no perfect time in my life and once we finally have a child and he/she gets older things will only get more hectic. As a friend said to me..."babies sleep" so if we are fortunate enough to get a placement while I'm in the middle of National Boards...I'll be doing a lot of work while our baby sleeps. :)

What If

I feel like I have put my life on hold the last couple of years. I always play the "what if" game. I've been debating on whether to take classes to add on to my teaching certification (4-6 grade) or go for my National Board Certification. I want to do both at some point, but when? Both cost money...that we are trying to save for adoption...and then there is the "what if" we get a placement? I've continued to ask "what if" for awhile now and I just need to do one or the other.

National Boards would help pay off our adoption debt and help us afford a child. :)  ($10,000 a year for 10 years) If I go for National Boards my winter/spring will be a very busy time and "if" we get a placement I will be working like crazy at home and school. This coming school year would be a good time because three other teachers are going for it so there would be a support system.

Adding on to my certificate would allow me to teach above third grade which I would like to do, but it won't bring me any extra money. I could take classes at USC for a discounted price since we get a price reduction for supervising interns (student teachers). In order to add on to my certification I have to take 3 classes and 2 Praxis tests.

"If" I just would have earned my Elementary Certification instead of Fashion Merchandising and Early Childhood. "If" I could only go back in time and foresee what my future held. So many "what ifs" and decisions to be made. If you have any thoughts on what I should do email, text, or call. I'm so indecisive!

A Little Embarrassed

A coworker at school gave me (for free) the infant car seat that she used. It is grayish/blue with green trim. It would be great for a boy, but could be cute for a girl with a hanging toy. Anyway, I spent some time cleaning it up and threw the seat cover in the wash. It looked great when it came out. I let it air dry and then it was time to put it back on...this is the embarrassing part. I'm glad no one was witnessing me trying to reattach everything and attempt to get all the parts put back in the right place. :) It took me a good 20 minutes to finally figure out how it should be "reassembled". Twenty minutes to put the cover back on...how long will it take us to properly put it in the car? Parenting will be interesting!

Adoption Tax Credit

This year will end the Adoption Tax Credit, but some legislators are pushing to extend the credit. This would be WONDERFUL if the government approved and made it permanent. We don't know that we will be able to adopt this year and take advantage of the credit. If Michael and I decide to adopt a second child it would help as well. People don't realize how expensive it is to adopt and it is even more expensive to adopt internationally...which is one reason we decided to do domestic adoption. We will continue to follow what Congress and our legislators decide.

Tax Adoption Credit Article

Adoption Tax Credit Video

Open Adoption Video

This video was posted on Bethany's Facebook page. I really shouldn't watch these because I get tears in my eyes...not tears of sadness, but happiness for the adoptive parents, child, and birthmother. I hope we have a story like this to tell soon!! :)

Click on adoption video below to watch.

Adoption Video

"New" Lamp

We have a few lamps in our house that we aren't using stored in a closet so I decided instead of buying a new one for the nursery I would use one we already owned. 

The shade had yellowed a little bit so I decided to find some fabric to cover it. I found the perfect fabric at Jo-Ann Fabric.(It goes great with the tree mural.)

I measured, cut, and pinned it onto the lampshade. I also bought spray adhesive to stick in on permanently, but I'm not sure I need it. I may just use the two pins for now.

I tried using white ribbon as trim on the top and bottom and didn't really care for it so for now it will stay like this.

Three Weeks

Three weeks ago today we officially became a waiting family to adopt a baby. It hasn't been long at all, but of course I hope that we will have a placement soon. I look on the website everyday to see if any other families have been added the list of South Carolina couples waiting. As of today there are 30 couples from our state. Two couples just had placement placed by their profiles today. While I'm very happy for them...I wonder what connection a birthmother had to their profile that she didn't have to ours. There are couples on the waiting family list that have been on there for quite a while and it worries me that we could end up waiting for a long time too. Bethany said the average wait time is a year from the time our formal application is turned in and that would be October. If you think about it we have been waiting much longer than a year or even the three weeks that we have been officially a waiting family. We have been waiting almost four years! I know our day will come and every time I turn on my cell phone after work or check the voicemail on our home phone...I hope and pray that we will have a message from Bethany that we have a placement, but until that day comes we will enjoy our quiet moments and time as a family of two or three...can't forget Trixie. :)

1st Pinterest Craft

I've become addicted to Pinterest. Someone had pinned a picture of a monogram wreath for the front door. It was being sold on Etsy for $35, plus $11 for shipping. Way too expensive it you ask me! I thought it was cute and figured I could do it myself. Here is the product that is being sold on Etsy...

Here is my version...

I decided to go with a beach theme since we live in SC. 

It was pretty easy...although the curve on the R was a little bit of a pain. I bought jute, a wooden R, ribbon, and a starfish for a total of around $15. I think it looks pretty good for $20 less....maybe I should start making and selling them too. :)

October Baby

If you like to go see movies make sure you check out October Baby which opens in theaters tomorrow. I can't speak to how good it is, but the message is near and dear to my heart...Every Life is Beautiful. Ten percent of the profits will go to the Every Life is Beautiful Fund which benefits Bethany, other adoption agencies and agencies that counsel women through pregnancy and adoption. Check out the trailer...October Baby Trailer or listen to the movie producer's message by clicking on Every Life is Beautiful.

What else can you do?

I was talking to an acquaintance a few days ago and telling her about the couple who had six placements through Bethany and all six birthmothers had changed their minds. I was expressing how I can't even imagine going through that and she commented with...I'm surprised they kept trying to adopt. Her comment got me thinking...

What else could they do? If that couple was anything like us...they wanted a child and were unable to have one naturally. While they were heartbroken over and over again they had no choice, but to keep pushing on. To just stop trying to adopt would result in an even harder type of heartbreak...knowing you would possibly never have the opportunity to welcome a child into your family. If you stop and think about it that couple, Michael and myself are at the mercy of a birthmother wanting us to raise her child. If a birthmother doesn't have a connection with our profile than we are left waiting.

It may sound funny, but if you have a child or are able to have children, please cherish that ability. I would give anything to have a birthmother place her child with us in the very near future or to be able to get pregnant. I can't make things happen, and I can't make a bithmother choose us.

One Year

Today marks one year since my first post...time goes so fast! We were at a much different place when I started blogging. We've been through so many emotions and ups and downs since last March. I had to do an ice breaker at bible study last week where I had to pick a crayon whose color represented something about my life or personality. I chose blue because I'm at peace with my life right now. It also reminded me of the ocean and how the ocean is so calming.

I'm so happy that I started this blog...it has been so therapeutic. I hope to keep blogging when we have a child and eventually let my child read our family story and my entries to him or her.

First Recruitment Email

Since we are approved as a waiting family, we will start receiving what the agency calls recruitment emails. These emails come for various reasons. The emails contain information about a birthmother and baby. We read the information and if we are interested in possibly adopting the baby then we would email back. Once we email back we would be given more information and can decide if we are still willing to adopt the baby. The birthmother would then read the profiles of all the waiting families that responded and choose the one that she feels is the best match for her baby.

We received the first one yesterday. It is hard not to respond immediately and say...yes, we are interested, but we felt this baby wasn't a good match for us. I pray that this birthmother is able to find the perfect fit for her precious child.

Birthmother Quote

I was on Facebook today and the adoption agency had posted this quote from a birthmother...it brought tears to my eyes. I will never truly understand what a birthmother goes through, but the strength it must take to make an adoption plan for your baby requires so much courage and selfless love.

“My heart grew in my chest the moment I laid eyes on him. Had I loved him any less - one ounce less - he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart. I didn’t just feel love; I did what love dictated.” - Tamra, birthmother

It's Official

We are officially a waiting family! Our profile, video, and Dear Birthmother letter are all on the Bethany website. I would love to link it, but Michael and I realized we need to be careful with what we post on the blog since our last name is part of the web address. We don't want anyone being able to link our profile back to our blog. If you want to view it you will have to visit the agencies website and look under family profiles.

Our home study arrived in the mail today. We have to read it, sign it and send it back. It is 12 pages long! I keep meaning to ask our social worker who actually gets to read our home study. I'm sure it will be used during the legal proceedings, but I'm not sure who else views it.

Please continue to pray for our unborn baby and our baby's birthmother.

Dresser/Changing Table

We added another piece of furniture to our nursery this weekend. We were able to buy a dresser/hutch from my friend/coworker who didn't need it anymore. It looks perfect in the nursery. We won't use the hutch until our child gets older because we are going to use the dresser for our changing table too. Everything is coming along. I'm hoping to find a white glider too, but I haven't found one I like in a store and it scares me to order one online. I want to be able to sit in it before I make the purchase.

The Waiting Begins

The last visit went well. It was a little emotional too...thinking about what could or couldn't happen and hearing stories about couples who have had to go through so many heartbreaks before they finally had the "perfect" match. I'm actually a little scared now that we are almost a waiting family. I mean our journey has been 4 years and it feels like it is never ending. The fact that we might have a happy ending soon scares me. I'm not even sure that I know how to explain it. Yes, right now is a happy time but we may have more hurdles to cross before we can be truly at ease. The next exciting step would be that we have a placement, but just because a birth mother chooses us doesn't mean anything is guaranteed. Our social worker was telling us that one family had six placements and each time the birth mother changed her mind. I can't even begin to imagine! I don't even want to go through one...let alone six. I asked her when it is that the birth mother usually changes her mind and she said normally it is at the hospital after the baby is born. Obviously that is when the birth mother would be the most emotional. It takes a strong woman to make an adoption plan for her baby. 

I pray for our baby and birth mother. Our baby may have already been conceived. I pray that our baby's birth mother is doing well and has the support she needs to make such a courageous decision in her life. I pray that our birth mother is being responsible during her pregnancy and caring for her unborn baby as I would if it were in my body. To my unborn baby..."Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it". 

Please pray for our unborn baby, our baby's birth mother, and for us as we begin to wait for God to bring us our precious bundle of joy!

Last Visit

Tomorrow afternoon is our final home study visit! I can't believe how fast the home study has moved. It is hard to believe that we will be a waiting family in the very near future.

Our adoption photo books arrived today. I was so afraid to look at one...in case I made a mistake. Michael unwrapped one and immediately said, "my name is spelled wrong". He was kidding, but I wasn't laughing.

We ordered a crib mattress yesterday. I've been doing so much research on mattresses. I ordered the Serta Nightstar Extra Firm Mattress. It had great reviews and we ordered it from Target so if we don't like it we can easily return it to the store. We also received a present from our neighbor, Sonia. She got us a Bouncer. I'm sure it will come in handy!

Less than 24 hours and our home study visits will be complete!

Home Sweet Home

Michael and I have enjoyed a wonderful week in Florida with my mom and step-dad. The weather was fabulous! We enjoyed the pool, beach, reading, relaxing, and shopping. Michael also enjoyed fishing, the dog track and checking out several MLB teams spring training sites. We visited some unique places like Lover's Key Beach (great shelling) and Matlacha, a small town on the water with unique shops and restaurants. We were sad to leave, but I'm always ready to come home after a week...just wish it was a little warmer here!

I enjoyed having some extra time to work on our adoption photo book and adoption photo video too. We ordered the book on Thursday...times 4. It killed me to buy 4 of the same book and spend so much money, but I know they are needed. I'm excited to share the adoption book, photo video, and birthmother letter with everyone soon!

Second Meeting Completed

Our individual meetings were today and they went great! I went to the office this morning and Michael went this afternoon. I feel like the social worker knows more about me than most of my friends. Let me tell you...there would probably be fewer babies being born in this world if every want to be parent had to go through a home study!

Our final meeting is on February 29th. We can't meet next week because Michael and I are headed to sunny Florida for a week of relaxation. Our school district has a mid winter break this year. Love it! Anyway, she seems to think that the home study will be complete and we should be a "waiting" family by March 6th!!!! I can't believe how quickly this is moving!

Busy Weekend

This past weekend was all about adoption! I, Michael helped a little, wrote the Dear Birthmother letter this weekend. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be...I just needed to sit and make myself do it. I will share it once our home study is complete and it is posted on the agency's website. I also worked on our picture video/slideshow. I have a lot more work to do on that, but I figure I will do a little bit at a time. We also went shopping for a glider. We found a glider that we really liked...it is more of a cushioned chair, but we aren't sure if it will fit in our nursery with the other furniture. Oh, I forgot to blog about the dresser/hutch we are getting. One of my friends/coworkers wanted to get rid of the dresser that she had in her little boy's room so I went and looked at it and it will fit perfectly!! It will be our dresser/changing table.

The second part of our home study is on Thursday. I will go to the agency's office on Thursday morning and Michael will go on Thursday afternoon. Hopefully our stories match! ;)

First Visit Completed

The first home visit went very well!! I'm not sure why I was so nervous! She was here for about two hours. We sat on the couch and talked for most of it, she took a tour of the house, and we scheduled our next visits. (Aunt Patti, she did ask about the fire extinguisher, but it isn't a requirement in SC for adoption. :)...thanks for the advice.) Michael and I will go to her office separately next week and at the end of the month she will come back to our house for a visit. She thinks the home study should be completely done by the middle of March...in our world of waiting that is no time at all!! Yay!!!! Now I feel like we have so much to do...we really need to write the Dear Birthmother Letter and finish our adoption book!!! I've been more excited and happy this week than I have been in a while!!!!!

Less than 24 Hours

In less than 24 hours we will have completed our first home study visit. I'm nervous and excited! I'm not sure what she will ask or want to see, but we are as ready as we will ever be. I pray everything goes smoothly tomorrow, and we can schedule the next visit soon!

Happy Anniversary!

Six years ago today at 4:00pm I became Mrs. Michael Rataiczak. I wish we were in St. Lucia celebrating, but I guess Columbia will have to do. :) Happy Anniversary to the love of my life!!! I can't imagine life without you!

Our gorgeous day!

The love of my life!

Finished Tree

The tree is complete! We came up with the idea by looking at different vinyl decals for nurseries, but we didn't want to spend $150-$200. Our version cost around $20. The leaves, birds, and owls I made from scrap book paper that I bought on clearance at Michaels. I was able to find the leaf, owl, and bird template online...with a little tweaking. The paint was the most expensive...$15 and Micheal didn't even use half of it.We are very pleased with the final product! :)

Busy Day

The first home study visit will be Thursday at 1:00pm. We have spent a portion of today cleaning. Our house is pretty clean most of the time, but I cleaned a little more than usual. Michael even pitched in, and he hates to clean! He even vacuumed the steps. We also had long phone interviews for the life insurance we just applied for. I feel like I keep giving people personal information...which is only going to continue during the home study visits. I also finished up the tree! I LOVE it! I will post pictures of it tomorrow. After a busy day we are headed to Bonefish for our anniversary (on Tuesday) dinner. We were going to go out of town for the weekend, but when the home study call came...we decided it would be much wiser to use the gift cards we have for Bonefish. :)

Lunch Quote

We ordered lunch today because it was a half day for the students. The place we ordered from always puts quotes in their napkins. My quote was....

Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; can'ts into cans; Dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don't just think it-ink it!  - Dan Zadra

This quote was perfect for me. I don't ink it, but I do type it. :)

Great News!!!!

We received an email back from our social worker today that told us we were the next couple in line for a home study. My first thought was ok so we will wait a couple more weeks...even BETTER...we have our first meeting on Wednesday the 8th or Thursday the 9th!!!!!! Our anniversary is Tuesday the 7th, and I told Michael this is the best anniversary present I could ask for!

Tree

The painting of the tree is done! I spent some time today touching it up. Michael did such a good job!!! :)

 

It is a little bare right now...I'm working on the owl and the leaves that will be added in the near future! 

Surprise Ending

I really enjoy teaching, but sometimes it can be a difficult job. Today was one of those days. I just need to accept the fact that no matter what I do I'm never going to make everyone happy, some people won't like me and our personalities will never mesh. I'm not going to go into details, but I feel a little beat down this evening. I know I shouldn't let someone make me feel this way...especially when I know I have done nothing wrong. I am a great teacher and need to learn how to not take things personally.

After a tough day at work I came home to a surprise...Michael started the tree in the nursery!!! It looks great! He has most of it done. I was so excited to see it on the wall! I will post a picture when it is completed.

Home Study, Please?

The time has come again to contact the adoption agency. It has been almost two months since the social worker told me it would be another few months. I was going to wait until the end of February, but a few people have told me they think I should do it at the end of this month. I'm not expecting good news for a couple of reasons...1) I've been checking the family profiles on the website and not a single couple that was at our training have been posted on it and 2) we aren't used to hearing good news. (I know negative thinking.) We are at their mercy. There is no point getting upset or frustrated with them...it isn't going to change anything and it's not like we can do anything that will magically make us parents. Every day when I turn on my cell phone, after school, or see there is a voice mail on the home phone...I hope and pray that it is the agency telling us they are ready to start our home study.

I've been so happy lately working on the nursery, but the last couple of days I've been a little emotional thinking about whether we are ever going to get our home study done or actually get to adopt a child. Michael is going to start on the tree in the nursery this week, so I'm sure it will put a smile back on my face. :)

Looks Like A Room

I spent the weekend painting the nursery. The color is called Lighthouse Shadows and is a bluish gray. When I started on Saturday, I thought it was going to be too dark, but my optimistic husband told me it would be fine...he was right. I really like it! Yes, it is a shade of blue, but blue is so calming to me. I can't decide if I'm going to decorate it neutral or wait until we know the sex, of the baby we are going to adopt, and make it either girly or boyish.

Before

Lighthouse Shadows

We also bought a crib (actually it was a gift from my mom...love you) last weekend that we got a good deal on at a children's furniture store here in Columbia. It was in their clearance center. It was actually a new style crib they had received, but someone accidentally assembled two for the floor so they moved one to their clearance center. After I finished painting, Michael put the crib together.

Pathetic...although we decided she might have been high from the paint fumes. :)

After

As far as other furniture goes...we are going to buy a glider and a dresser to use as a changing table too. That is pretty much all that will fit. I've been looking on Craigslist and consignment stores for the other two. I'm actually happy that we have this time to work on the nursery. 

The nursery has been empty for so long and has really been a storage room. I'm not used to going upstairs and seeing another "room".

Ugh!

Michael and I went out to eat last night. We sat at the bar of the restaurant and were talking to the people around us why we watched the NFL playoff games. I can't remember how the conversation started, but a woman asked us how old we were and then if we had kids. When Michael told her his age she commented with something like...oh, you are waiting later to have them. I told her we were adopting. She then responded with the comment that I HATE hearing from people..."enjoy your quiet time now" or another one I get a lot is "enjoy this time as a couple". I understand that my life is going to completely change once we have a baby, but we have waited for almost 4 years to have a baby, and I don't want anymore quiet time! (I'm sure I'll eat those words later, but I think you know what I mean.) Yes, I enjoy our couple time so I can't say I don't want anymore of that, but we are ready to move from a couple to a family of 3!!!

Modern Family

Love Modern Family! Cam and Mitchell, the gay couple, are looking to adopt another child. Their meeting with the birthmother was interesting. Cam compares meeting perspective mothers to a first date and Mitchell chimes in with "It is kind of the opposite...you don't want to have sex, but you want a baby." When the birthmother arrives Mitchell starts off the meeting by correcting the birthmother when she says a dolphin is a fish. He says it is a mammal. Well Cam pulls Mitchell in the kitchen and tells him to stop correcting her. Mitchell says he was giving her a basic biology lesson. Cam responds with "Let me give you a basic biology lesson...you and I can't make a baby so if she says the lamp is Uncle George, it is Uncle George." They continuing talking to her and when she goes to the restroom they are kind of frustrated with her intelligence (for lack of better word). When she sees a keyboard she wants to hear them play and sing. It was Cam's keyboard and Mitchell wasn't really into doing the whole "song and dance". Cam tells him..."Look at it this way, we are not only adopting a baby, but we are saving it from a life spent searching for East Dakota."  They end up singing Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John. After they sing she says...I thought Cam was the singer because Mitchell has a great voice and Cam was a little pitchy. Anyway, she loved the two of them and unofficially tells them they are "the ones". While Mitchell is getting the sparkling cider to celebrate, Cam wants to prove to her that he is a great singer so he chooses to sing Baby Please Don't Go. She gets emotional and decides to keep the baby. Not the best celebratory song.

Television makes everything seem so easy! A month or so ago they decided to adopt a second baby and now they are already meeting birthmothers. What a quick home study! I wish our life moved as quick as television!

It was a funny episode, but I know when we meet our birthmother it won't be funny or silly, but very serious, nerve-wracking, and emotional. I will want everything to go perfect just like Cam, but as I have learned though this journey there is no perfect plan.

Modern Family Episode

New Light

Michael and I spent some time in the nursery today. He changed the light fixture and I taped off the trim so I can paint it next weekend! I love to paint...I find it relaxing. Once the room is painted Michael is going to paint a white tree. He is very artistic...just not on such a big scale, but I'm sure it will look great. If not, we can always paint over it and try something else. :)  

  Of course...Trixie had to be in the room where all the action was taking place. 

Happy Birthday, Tricia!

 Happy Birthday Sis! I hope you had a great day! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Love you tons!