I'm sure you can figure out how my results came back today by the title of this blog. My HCG levels have fallen from 28 to 22. I have to go back in on Friday morning for more blood work...I don't understand why. I don't want to go through today again! I'm tired of phone calls with bad news...when does my happy phone call come?
The result is plain...I'm not pregnant...it didn't work...just like the four other fertility treatments. I feel so alone, I feel like I have let my husband and family down, and I'm ANGRY! Why are some women blessed with fertility while others struggle? Haven't I been through enough already???
I feel like my life is so incomplete right now. I get a glimmer of hope and it is dashed away. Our life is like a broken record. We start a new round of fertility treatments, we get excited and hopeful, and the excitement vanishes when we get bad news. The cycle continues and continues leaving us left with nothing.
We have two frozen embryos, but I almost wish we didn't because I don't know if I can handle any more disappointment. If I can't get pregnant with an almost perfect embryo...what are the chances of it happening with the frozen ones?
I tried to think of some heartfelt optimistic thing to say butto be honest I know right now I wouldn't want to hear anything like that. I would just want to be mad! I am just upset for you! I feel anger and I feel that it is not fair!!! I do think however when the smoke clears that if you can you should do the FET. My embryos were not perfect so I don't believe that should dictate success. Right now you have every right to be angry and upset. If you need anything let me know!
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