The No Baby Boom

I read an interesting article on the web today titled The No Baby Boom. It is basically about adults deciding not to become parents. Some people think this is selfish...I don't agree. There are a lot of valid points in the article as to why a couple may decide not to have children...it isn't my choice, but who am I to judge what someone else decides is right for their life. At least these people realize they aren't "fit" to be parents, for whatever reason, before they bring a child into the world. There are a lot of people who have children and aren't "fit" to be parents.

We are so used to people graduating from college, getting married, and then having children. It is almost the norm so when I see or know of a couple that have been married for a while, I start to question why they don't have children. With what I've been going through I kind of assume it is because they are dealing with infertility too. I never really stopped to think that they may not want children. Infertility is a topic that isn't really discussed openly and I can see how this topic wouldn't be either.

The article discussed how this isn't just an American trend, but birth rates all over the world have dropped as well. One Italian mayor is offering $15,000 for every child a couple has in order to repopulate his town. Hmmm? Is there anyway we can move to Italy for our fertility treatments? This way if we are successful at having a child we can recoup the money we have spent? Just a thought.

Yummy Treats

I'm not much of a cook, but I love to make sweets and have decided that I would try some new recipes this summer (actually almost any recipe is new to me...lol). I've actually found it relaxing...I think because I'm not thinking of a million other things I need to get done, which is the case during the school year. I thought I would share a couple of things I have made so far this summer...

Tuna Pasta Salad

Tuna Salad Pasta- I know not everyone is a fan of tuna, but if you use albacore tuna it isn't as fishy. I changed the recipe a little. I added chunks of cheese and a couple  hard boiled eggs. I also used Miracle Whip instead of Mayo and only added 1 cup so it wasn't coated in mayo. It was really good!

Red Velvet Cake Balls

Red Velvet Cake Balls-"These are heaven!" This is a quote from my neighbor. If you like Red Velvet Cake you will love these. If you make these I would suggest putting them in the freezer before you dip them. I only took a couple out at a time so they didn't warm up...it was much easier to dip. I had never heard of cake balls until I had some strawberry ones at school. The blog that I got this recipe off of has some really neat recipes all involving cake balls. I might try the Oreo ones, too.

I also love to make Buckeyes (I would suggest cutting the recipe in half...unless you need to make a ton.) and Chocolate Covered Ritz with Peanut Butter. I don't use a recipe for this, but I'll link it to a recipe in case you are interested. 

I am planning on trying some other things this summer, so if I find anything else that turns out good, I will share. 

Transfer Update

I haven't really given the specifics about our frozen embryo transfer (FET). I've known the specifics for a couple of weeks, but haven't been ready to share other than it may take place in July. I'm finally at peace with all the aspects of our transfer...the financial and the hurdles that we still may have to face. So here goes...

Birth Control Pills

I have been taking birth control pills for two weeks. It is kind of funny that I have to take these for a fertility treatment. I haven't been on pills for years. Fortunately, I haven't missed a dose. The pills are used to help prepare the lining of my uterus.

My new pharmacy.

This is no where near the size of my last shipment and the price was much better to deal with. I only paid $41.00! This round consists of Estradol (Estrace), Prometrim (Progesterone), Diazepam (Valium), and Doxycycline. Right now I'm just on birth control for another 7 days. Around the beginning of July, I will start taking the Estrace in small doses and will work my way up to 6 pills a day. This is basically estrogen. In the middle of July, I start my progesterone vaginally...3 times a day. Oh, how I love progesterone! I've had to do this with every procedure. If I become pregnant, I will keep doing this for most of the first trimester. The Valium is for me to take before the transfer...to make me relaxed. I only took one last time, but I'm going to take both this time. I think the more relaxed the better! I also take the Doxycycline before the transfer. It is an antibiotic that is suppose to help with any infections that might occur. There is the run down on my meds this time. I'm super excited that I will not have to give myself a single injection!
 *All start dates are dependent on when my cycle starts. I'm hoping it is on time this month!

Our FET is scheduled for July 20th. I have to have an ultrasound on or around July 14th to make sure my uterine lining is good enough for the transfer...this is one hurdle. If it isn't unfortunately we will have to cancel the procedure because I have a trip planned for the next week and shortly after that we go back to school. The other hurdle is that the embryos won't make it through the thawing stage, but as I stated before there is a very minimal chance that this will occur.

                                              One day at a time!

Happy Birthday, Michael!

Adorable Michael Paul

Happy 36th Birthday to a wonderful man! My love grows stronger for you each day we are together. We are complete opposites, but that is what makes our marriage work. You constantly make me smile and laugh! People always ask me how I put up with you, but sometimes I wonder how you put up with me? 

We are very fortunate that our infertility struggles haven't put a strain on our marriage. I think we are doing a pretty good job of working through it together and dealing with what has been handed to us. While I don't like going through this struggle, I think it has only made us closer.

We will end up being older parents, but hopefully wiser. Age is only a number. I'm really looking forward to becoming a parent with you at whatever age we are when it happens. I know you will be a phenomenal father to our little boy or girl.  I sometimes wonder if I'll have to remind you that you are the parent...since you are such a big kid! :)  I just know that on your next birthday there will be three (if not four) of us celebrating! 

We've been through a lot together.

You've seen me at my best, my worst,

and first thing in the morning.

We've laughed and kissed 

and argued and loved

and held hands.

When I look back on this little story of "us",

I realize I'm happier than I've ever been.

And it is all because of you.

Happy Birthday with love! 

Christine 

Senseless Act

This morning the news reported that a nine month old had been left in a car and died. Of course this made me shutter when I heard it. How do you forget and leave your child in a car? The child was left in a car outside of his home for FOUR hours...so you get home and don't realize that your nine month old isn't around. We went shopping a few days ago and left a camera my dad bought in the car...that I understand, but a human.

A quote from the article in The State newspaper said...
"Even the best of parents or caregivers can overlook a sleeping baby in a car; and the end result can be injury or death."

Maybe it is because I've never been a parent, but I don't understand this. Actually, I couldn't even believe this statement was in the article. This seems like such a senseless reason for a innocent child to die.

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day 2004

I think my dad was meant to have daughters. I don't know if he would know what to do with another male in the house. I know he wouldn't trade us for anything, but I would love to have a son just so he could have some male bonding with his grandson.

At least we played sports and weren't real girly girls. He helped coach and always cheered us on during games, meets, and matches. I played doubles tennis and I will never forget when he told me he would pay me if I was able to hit the girls from the other team with the ball. Technically, that was the object...at least the girl at the net so she couldn't return it, but tennis isn't necessarily a "rough" sport. I also remember my coach asking dad if he could be a quieter fan.

8-26-79 1 year old

I have many memories of of special days with my dad. The earliest memory I have of father/daughter time is when he took me to see the Nutcracker and we ate at One Nation (a fancy restaurant overlooking downtown Columbus). We also went to several Washington Redskins games. He took me to football games and Tricia to Pittsburgh Pirates baseball games.

1980   2 years old

He was and still is a very supportive father. He has backed me on all my decisions in life and given me some great advice when things weren't going according to plan. He even gave up going to the Ohio State vs. Notre Dame football game because the OCC (our conference) tennis tournament was the same day...at least we won so it was worth the miss. :) I don't know too many men who would miss such a big football game for tennis.

I feel comfortable talking to my dad about anything. I have kept him in the loop with all of our fertility struggles...even personal issues. I feel very fortunate that he wants to know and it doesn't even phase him. I look forward to watching the bond that him and my child (his grandchild) will have. I know he will make a great grandfather!

 

Summer 2009

Wedding  2-7-06

 A Father Means...

 A Father means so many things...

An understanding heart,

A source of strength and support...

Right from the very start.

A constant readiness to help

In a kind and thoughtful way.

With encouragement and forgiveness

No matter what comes your way.

A special generosity and always affection, too

A Father means so many things...

When he's a man like you. 

-Author Unknown

And I can't forget our latest adventure...skydiving! We have had 32 years of memories and adventures. I look forward to many, many more. I love you tons!

Skydiving October 2010

Pure Relaxation

I'm currently sitting on a huge front porch in a rocking chair enjoying the breeze and sounds of the ocean. This week we are at Folly Beach, South Carolina...close to Charleston. We are in the perfect house! We are on the second row from the beach, but this house has a tower so high up you can see everything...ocean from the front and marsh from the back. We are also directly across from beach access. I've had a wonderful and relaxing time. I don't want Saturday to come. This week has taken my mind off our infertility struggles. I wish I could live like this year round. I would be relaxed ALL the time!

We took a tour of Fort Sumter, paddle-boarded at sunset, relaxed on the beach, and today walked around the center of "town" stopping at several restaurants for a drink or two.(One of the only things that made me happy about not being pregnant is that I can drink.)  We've had way too much to eat since vacation started. We have eaten at the Crab Shack, Taco Boy, Bowmen's Island Restaurant, and Hyman's (in Charleston). Shelley wants to try this popular Crepe "stand" for dinner a little later called Tokyo Crepes. It looks like they have some great crepes, but I don't know if I can eat anymore. Tomorrow while some of us go shopping the rest of us are going to walk around Charleston, and we will probably hit the beach again on Friday.

I'm starting to think I need another beach vacation before my transfer so I can make sure my body is as relaxed as possible!! :)

New Experience

I'm taking a break today with infertility and writing about my experience yesterday at the spa. No, I didn't have a massage, facial, pedicure, or manicure. I had some waxing done.

*Dad and Jay you are the only men I know who read this so you may want to stop now...it might be too much information. :)

We are headed to the beach next week and I've been toying around with the idea of having a bikini wax done so I don't have to worry about shaving each day. Ladies, we know how that is. I asked several friends if they have ever had it done and was shocked that most people I know haven't. Anyway, I go to Jenn at Occo Skin Studio (thank you to Jessica for introducing me to her) she gives a fabulous massage and I found out she does waxing, too. I made an appointment. I figured plenty of doctors have seen lots more of me than I ever imagined so I should be fine getting that area waxed. She gave me a pair of disposable underwear, I laid down on the bed, and then it began. It wasn't so bad on the right side, although I did grab for a towel to squeeze. I think what hurt the most was when she plucked some individual hairs. She finished on the right and proceeded to the left. OH MY GOSH...it hurt so bad! After she finished that side she said she meant to tell me that for some reason the left hurts more than the right...not sure why, but she has her theories. (I'm glad she didn't tell me until after it was done). I know there was a person getting a message in the next room so I felt bad when I gave out a little yelp. I was more worried about how I would feel after the waxing, but I didn't hurt, itch, or feel uncomfortable at all. She did say to put some ice on the waxed area and some hydro-cortisone so I did last night and the redness has gone down. We actually went ahead and waxed my eyebrows too while I was there, but I'm used to that.

I would suggest getting a bikini wax if you are going on vacation...it hurts for a little bit, but that fact that I don't have to worry about shaving for the week makes it all worth it!


*Hope I haven't shared to much information, but I did warn you. :)

Infertility Is...

 This video says it all...

Finally

Well my cycle started late Sunday night. I was happy and I think Michael was too. I had a bad case of PMS this time (9 days of built up emotions). I think he was relieved that he had to be out of town for two nights due to work. :) I called Cherub first thing Monday morning so we could figure out if it is still possible for the transfer to happen in July or before I go back to school. I got her voice mail which told me she would be out of the office until Thursday...are you kidding? I've waited nine days for my period to start and now I have to wait three more to figure out if we will be able to do the transfer in July. Anyway, I will talk to her on Thursday and hopefully her and I can play around with the dates to see if we can work it in around my vacation to Pennsylvania. I'm hoping and praying!

Great Quote

Michael's aunt posted a great quote on Facebook today that really made me stop and think...

If you are depressed than you're living in the past.
If you are anxious than you're living in the furture.
If you are at peace than you're living in the present.

One of the hardest things about fertility treatments is not living in the present. I want to keep looking ahead at what is next and fast forward. I have to try and live each day to the fullest because I won't get this time back. I have some great vacations and other things planned this summer. I need to enjoy them and try to put my infertility issues on the back burner...it is so much easier said than done, but if I don't I'm going to drive myself (and Michael) crazy.

The transfer will happen. When? I don't know. It may be later this summer or we may have to wait until September. My first post on this blog was titled The Plan and once again I'm seeing that "the plan" doesn't always work. God knows what the plan is and it will happen when he sees fit. Right now, I feel like he has been giving me obstacles and hurdles to deal with. I guess it will only make me stronger!

START ALREADY!

I am now 7 days late. I have taken 3 pregnancy tests and all have turned out negative. It has been an emotional week. I've been reading several fertility forums and it sounds like it is normal for a woman's cycle to start rather late after a failed IVF. (They said the average is 7-10 days.) This has got to be one of the most frustrating things for any woman who is doing fertility treatments to go through. All I want is to be pregnant and one would think a missed/late period would be a good thing, but it is playing with my mind! According to the forums, medication can be prescribed to help start one's period, but I would really like to stay away from the meds if I can. If I don't start by Monday I'm going to call the doctor's office and see what they suggest.

Interesting Afternoonn

I was dismissing my students today and was "attacked" by a rolling book bag. A student was rolling his book bag back and forth on the floor and ran into the back of me. I don't recall the whole incident, but when all was said and done I had a sore toe and a bleeding heel. I ran to get a band-aid thinking that was all I needed, but we couldn't get it to stop bleeding. Long story short, our fabulous nurse said she thought I should get it checked out.

I went to Doctor's Care and got right in, but then the questions begin. The nurse asked me how long it had been since my last period? Really...that is necessary for a cut on my heel? I told her 33 days and she asked if I could be pregnant? I told her no because I just took a pregnancy test and she continued on with the questioning.

I proceeded to go to another room to meet with the doctor. He asked me all the normal questions and I told him about all the "stuff" I've been on recently. He starts telling me he thought about going into OB or fertility work when he was in school and starts asking me questions about my procedures. I told him that I'm late with my period, but my test was negative so if he gives me a tetanus shot will it hurt anything...just in case a miracle happened and I'm with child. He said I would be ok and started to explain to me the best time to take a home pregnancy test. Thanks, I think I've got that covered!  So he looked at my cut and told me it didn't go through all the layers of skin so as long as I keep it covered and put neosporin on it, I should be ok. I was relieved.

After the doctor, I saw another nurse who came to give me my tetanus shot. As she started to inject me she told me it would sting a little. That comment made me smile and laugh inside. I wanted to just grab the needle and give it to myself...I've had plenty of practice. I actually told her I'm used to injections and have no trouble giving them to myself. I think she was a bit confused.

I did have a little meltdown today when I found out I needed to get my heel checked out. I've been doing so good about being frugal with our money right now because of all the bills and future bills we will have with fertility and possibly adoption. I'm not even ordering lunch tomorrow with the rest of the teachers and that is only $6-$7. So with the possibility of having another doctor's bill with what happened today it put me over the edge...that and the fact that my period still hasn't started.

Going through fertility treatments is like being on roller coaster 24/7.  

*Thanks to my wonderful husband who ran my errands this afternoon while I was being tended to. I love you tons!