Throughout this journey of trying to have a child, I have had good and bad days. Unfortunately, today was a not so good day. I decided that since it has been a month since our adoption training I would email the agency to see if they could give us a time frame of when our home study would start. I was nervous about the answer, but hopeful it would be good. I'm glad I didn't check my email until after school because it wasn't what I wanted to read. They have several more home studies to complete before they start ours so it looks like we have a few more months to wait...
Really? I'm so tired of waiting!!!!! I WANT A BABY!!! I don't know how else to say it anymore. I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of grieving, I'm tired of bad news...I'm just exhausted!
When? When does our good news come? When do we get to be parents? When will I be emotionally drained with exciting times and not sad ones?
This has been the hardest journey I have ever been on...not to mention the longest...3 1/2 years and counting.
What felt like a kick in the gut was that on top of the news about the home study...my cycle started! I knew I wasn't going to be pregnant...I've come to grips with that, but it felt like someone was playing a sick joke on me.
Today's post is not about being patient, it is not about me trying to stay hopeful...it is just me venting! I really needed to after the day I've had!
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