I had a pap smear last week and was worried about it being abnormal since my last one was, but I called the doctor's electronic messaging system today and found out it came back normal...yay!!!! That was a relief! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
While I'm happy about those results...I'm also annoyed. My cycle was suppose to start on Friday. I work like clockwork...my period always starts on time or a day late. Well, it is now Tuesday evening and I have yet to start. One might think...maybe she is pregnant...if it were only that easy. I'm not having any symptoms and I just know I'm not, but I took a pregnancy test this morning just to make sure...it was negative. I can't even imagine how I would have responded if it would have been positive...I probably wouldn't have known what to do or how to act. :) Anyway, in the last three years I haven't wanted my cycle to start, but if I don't start soon I may be in Pennsylvania when they need to do my transfer. Ahhhhh! It is so hard to plan when you are doing fertility treatments. I just need to learn how to not plan everything and live spontaneously...I guess that will come when we actually have a child. :)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
3D Pictures
Shelley, my step-mom, downloaded an app on her iPad that has some really neat medical pictures. She sent me a picture of a microscopic view of IVF. I also found one that was animated. Be sure to check them out and search the website for other neat medical pictures.
http://www.3d4medical.com/
http://www.3d4medical.com/
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I'll Take It
Last week we received a bill in the mail from Southeastern. I wasn't expecting a bill because we are all caught up with the expenses of our IVF. Michael was already home and told me we had a bill from them. Over the last year I've dreaded opening any fertility, doctor, or credit card bill, so I took a deep breath and pulled it out of the envelope. It was only $.99. I laughed! So do I write a check for this or put it on my credit card? If I wait until the next bill will there be a fiance charge? What would that be...a penny? Anyway, I would love if all my bills were this low!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Post Consultation
I met with Dr. Slowey about the transfer. I'm a little more informed and have done some reflecting since leaving the office...
He likes the way everything went with the IVF, besides the outcome, and says we shouldn't give up hope yet. He says I need to remember I was pregnant...although I did miscarry. (It was called a biochemical pregnancy because they were able to tell I was pregnant by the HCG in my system, but they were never able to see it on an ultrasound because it was too early. The link does a great job of explaining a biochemical pregnancy.) We still don't know why I miscarried, but it is most likely due to the number of chromosomes and was probably genetically abnormal. He said he doesn't think it is because of my uterus. In fact, he said if he went to Vegas he would bet money on my uterus. It was kind of hard not to laugh when he said that.
I started to reflect on this IVF and some of our other fertility attempts and began to wonder if I could have had early miscarriages and not have known it. Several days after our transfer I started to feel really hungry and was even waking up in the morning starving. I only discussed it with Michael because I thought it was probably just a symptom I was making up in my head, but I was pregnant at the time so it makes sense. It lasted for a few days and then it was gone...most likely because the embryo, or whatever the technical term is for it at that stage, wasn't growing and therefore was going to result in a miscarriage. I've had the same feeling before with a couple of our IUI's so it makes me wonder how many early miscarriages I've had. It is very common for woman to have early miscarriages and not even know it because it is just like a normal period. Michael has always said he thinks I've had early miscarriages because I will report early symptoms to him and then they go away. I'm sure some symptoms have "appeared" just because I've wanted to be pregnant so bad, but others could have been due to an early miscarriage.
Anyway, we discussed the frozen embryos and what I have to do to prep my uterus/body. I will be on birth control pills, estrogen, and progesterone, but NO INJECTIONS!!!!! It will all be oral. Thank goodness because the syringe on the progesterone shot is HUGE...several inches long. Not only no injections, but I only have to go in for one ultrasound and no blood work.
I asked what the chances were of the frozen embryos surviving the freezing process. He said that there is a 10% chance we will only have one to transfer and a 1% chance we will have none to transfer. I will take those chances!! He also said they do about 100 frozen embryo transfers a year and my chances of it working are about 40-50%.
So having processed all the information we are going to do the transfer. It will probably take place the second week of July. I don't really want to wait that long, but as I keep saying..."we've waited three years, what's a little longer?"
He likes the way everything went with the IVF, besides the outcome, and says we shouldn't give up hope yet. He says I need to remember I was pregnant...although I did miscarry. (It was called a biochemical pregnancy because they were able to tell I was pregnant by the HCG in my system, but they were never able to see it on an ultrasound because it was too early. The link does a great job of explaining a biochemical pregnancy.) We still don't know why I miscarried, but it is most likely due to the number of chromosomes and was probably genetically abnormal. He said he doesn't think it is because of my uterus. In fact, he said if he went to Vegas he would bet money on my uterus. It was kind of hard not to laugh when he said that.
I started to reflect on this IVF and some of our other fertility attempts and began to wonder if I could have had early miscarriages and not have known it. Several days after our transfer I started to feel really hungry and was even waking up in the morning starving. I only discussed it with Michael because I thought it was probably just a symptom I was making up in my head, but I was pregnant at the time so it makes sense. It lasted for a few days and then it was gone...most likely because the embryo, or whatever the technical term is for it at that stage, wasn't growing and therefore was going to result in a miscarriage. I've had the same feeling before with a couple of our IUI's so it makes me wonder how many early miscarriages I've had. It is very common for woman to have early miscarriages and not even know it because it is just like a normal period. Michael has always said he thinks I've had early miscarriages because I will report early symptoms to him and then they go away. I'm sure some symptoms have "appeared" just because I've wanted to be pregnant so bad, but others could have been due to an early miscarriage.
Anyway, we discussed the frozen embryos and what I have to do to prep my uterus/body. I will be on birth control pills, estrogen, and progesterone, but NO INJECTIONS!!!!! It will all be oral. Thank goodness because the syringe on the progesterone shot is HUGE...several inches long. Not only no injections, but I only have to go in for one ultrasound and no blood work.
I asked what the chances were of the frozen embryos surviving the freezing process. He said that there is a 10% chance we will only have one to transfer and a 1% chance we will have none to transfer. I will take those chances!! He also said they do about 100 frozen embryo transfers a year and my chances of it working are about 40-50%.
So having processed all the information we are going to do the transfer. It will probably take place the second week of July. I don't really want to wait that long, but as I keep saying..."we've waited three years, what's a little longer?"
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Transfer Consultation
Pap...check.
Next up...my consult with Dr. Slowey tomorrow about the transfer of our two frozen embryos. I don't have as many questions as I did for the IVF consult, but I need to write the ones down that I have so I don't forget them.
My major question is...what is the percentage or chances of my two embryos not surviving the freezing process? There is a chance that on the morning of the transfer, when they "thaw" the embryos, that we find out they didn't survive the process. Hopefully, they are thriving as much as they can be while frozen. :)
I do know that I won't have as many appointments to go to, and I won't have to inject my body with quite so many hormones...yay! I guess I'll get all the specifics tomorrow, and I will fill everyone in on our next step.
Next up...my consult with Dr. Slowey tomorrow about the transfer of our two frozen embryos. I don't have as many questions as I did for the IVF consult, but I need to write the ones down that I have so I don't forget them.
My major question is...what is the percentage or chances of my two embryos not surviving the freezing process? There is a chance that on the morning of the transfer, when they "thaw" the embryos, that we find out they didn't survive the process. Hopefully, they are thriving as much as they can be while frozen. :)
I do know that I won't have as many appointments to go to, and I won't have to inject my body with quite so many hormones...yay! I guess I'll get all the specifics tomorrow, and I will fill everyone in on our next step.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A Little Nervous
I go to the OBGYN tomorrow for a pap smear. I had one six months ago, but it came back abnormal...this is why I'm having another one so soon. Because of the abnormal results last time I had to have a colposcopy. I received the news of my abnormal pap the day before a scheduled IUI. I went through with the IUI and the results of my colposcopy came back normal. I'm praying tomorrow's pap goes without a hitch and the results came back normal. Hopefully, this time I will receive the results back well before we have any procedure scheduled.
The joys of being a woman! :)
The joys of being a woman! :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Interesting Discussion
I had an interesting conversation with my students on Friday. I don't really remember how it started or the exact words that were exchanged, but it caught me off guard and made me think...
Jimmy said something to me about being behind bars because I'm stuck teaching. I told him that I love teaching, and if I didn't I wouldn't do it. I also said something about how I like being around kids. Ethan proceeded to ask me why I don't have any? I told him I will eventually. Then somehow adoption was thrown into the mix and I said maybe I would adopt. Madison's jaw dropped open and she said, you would? Ethan reminded her that he is adopted and I told the class that Mr. Rataiczak was too. Katie piped in by telling the class about her parent's friends who adopted because the wife had a "disease" that wouldn't let her have her own.
This conversation only lasted a few minutes, but it felt so surreal that it was happening in my third grade classroom. I told a friend about the conversation we had and she thought maybe they had sensed something similar was going on with me since I have been out frequently and late on several occasions. I don't think this is the case because they are only 8 and 9 years old, but it made me wonder if this conversation was a hint of things to come or if this was God's sign to us that we are meant to be adoptive parents.
I think I'm almost to the point of believing I can't have children. I actually stated this to a woman a few days ago when she asked me if I have kids. While we have been on this journey I always believed that at some point I would have a child through fertility treatments, but that belief gets smaller and smaller with each passing day. I have a consult with Dr. Slowey on Thursday to discuss the transfer of the two remaining embryos. This is our last chance of becoming biological parents. If the transfer doesn't work we will begin our new journey of adoption.
Jimmy said something to me about being behind bars because I'm stuck teaching. I told him that I love teaching, and if I didn't I wouldn't do it. I also said something about how I like being around kids. Ethan proceeded to ask me why I don't have any? I told him I will eventually. Then somehow adoption was thrown into the mix and I said maybe I would adopt. Madison's jaw dropped open and she said, you would? Ethan reminded her that he is adopted and I told the class that Mr. Rataiczak was too. Katie piped in by telling the class about her parent's friends who adopted because the wife had a "disease" that wouldn't let her have her own.
This conversation only lasted a few minutes, but it felt so surreal that it was happening in my third grade classroom. I told a friend about the conversation we had and she thought maybe they had sensed something similar was going on with me since I have been out frequently and late on several occasions. I don't think this is the case because they are only 8 and 9 years old, but it made me wonder if this conversation was a hint of things to come or if this was God's sign to us that we are meant to be adoptive parents.
I think I'm almost to the point of believing I can't have children. I actually stated this to a woman a few days ago when she asked me if I have kids. While we have been on this journey I always believed that at some point I would have a child through fertility treatments, but that belief gets smaller and smaller with each passing day. I have a consult with Dr. Slowey on Thursday to discuss the transfer of the two remaining embryos. This is our last chance of becoming biological parents. If the transfer doesn't work we will begin our new journey of adoption.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Vanilla Pudding Robbery
This following is a funny story that my step-mom emailed to me...good for a chuckle.
The Vanilla Pudding Robbery
This is just too funny not to share...an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:
'IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....
The Vanilla Pudding Robbery
This is just too funny not to share...an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:
'IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....
Monday, May 9, 2011
Peachtree Rock
Michael and I enjoyed Mother's Day weekend by hiking in Lexington, SC at Peactree Rock Heritage Preserve. I teach my students about Peachtree Rock in South Carolina History. Here is a little history about Peachtree Rock...
The Peachtree Rock is an inverted pyramid of stone. To some, the inverted shape looks like a pruned peach tree. It has stood for millions of years and was created when this area was oceanfront. (Did you know the ocean came up to Columbia millions of years ago?)The preserve has many stone outcroppings rich in marine fossils; look for small vertical tunnels. These are the fossilized burrows of marine worms. If you look closely, you can find fossilized snail and clam shells as well as shrimp.
http://www.columbia4kids.com/parks/peachtree.php
The preserve also boasts the only natural waterfall in the midlands. The waterfall is only 15-20 ft. high and the water coming off of it isn't exactly Niagara Falls, but it was neat to see a waterfall in the middle of the state with no mountains around. There was a little girl enjoying the waterfall with her family. She ran up to touch the water and was so proud of herself.
We enjoyed our day in nature. It was nice to sit and think without the sound of cars, the television, or the computer. I don't think we stop and enjoy the simple things in life as much as we should.
The Peachtree Rock is an inverted pyramid of stone. To some, the inverted shape looks like a pruned peach tree. It has stood for millions of years and was created when this area was oceanfront. (Did you know the ocean came up to Columbia millions of years ago?)The preserve has many stone outcroppings rich in marine fossils; look for small vertical tunnels. These are the fossilized burrows of marine worms. If you look closely, you can find fossilized snail and clam shells as well as shrimp.
http://www.columbia4kids.com/parks/peachtree.php
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy Mother's Day
I could take pity on myself for not being a mom on Mother's Day, but instead I'm going to be thankful and appreciative of the wonderful mother that I have in my life!
Unfortunately my mom lives several hours away, and I don't get to see her as much as I would like (haven't been able to talk her into moving down south yet), but we are as close as a mother and daughter could be. She is not only my mother, but one of my best friends. I know she would do anything for me. I know her heart has ached for me during my infertility struggles and she would do anything to take away my hurt. I'm just like her in many ways and wouldn't ask for it to be any different. I'm very fortunate to have such a wonderful relationship with the woman who raised, supports, and comforts me whenever I'm in need. I look forward to my children forming a relationship with their grandmother, and I can only hope that when I become a mother I have the same kind of relationship with my son or daughter. I love you tons, mom!
You make me feel important
*Mom, sorry about the old pics, but I love them!
You Let Me Know You Love Me
You let me know you love me.
In so many different ways.
You make me feel importantWith encouragement and praise.
You're always there when I need you
To comfort and to care.
I know I'm in your thoughts;
Your love is everywhere.
Thank you for all you've done
And given so generously.
I love you, my wonderful mother;
You're a heaven-sent blessing to me.
By Joanna Fuchs
*Mom, sorry about the old pics, but I love them!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Stepping Stones
I receive a newsletter from Stepping Stones every two months and the latest one just came on Monday...what perfect timing. Stepping Stones is a nonprofit organization "Offering Christian Support for Couples Facing Infertility or Pregnancy Loss". I really connected with the woman who wrote the feature article. She struggled with infertility and during her journey to have children she started working with the youth at her church. It was ironic because I've been involved in a small group book study with some of our youth at our church. We've been reading the book Crazy Love. I've also gone to a couple youth group meetings, but haven't been doing it on a consistent basis. While I really enjoy working with the youth I've also been doing it to learn more about God and to become closer to him. My relationship with God has grown immensely in the last year. I still have tons to learn and am by far a perfect Christian, but I've really enjoyed the relationships I've formed and the history I have learned. There was a verse I read in the newsletter that I will take to heart and refer to through our journey of having a child...
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
*On a side note the woman who wrote the article struggled with infertility for four years and ended up adopting a little boy.
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
*On a side note the woman who wrote the article struggled with infertility for four years and ended up adopting a little boy.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Amazing Support
Everyone has been so amazing with their support! I've had several friends and family members give me cards and emails with words of encouragement...letting me know they are there if I need to vent, scream, or just need someone to listen to me. I'm so fortunate to have friends and family that care how I'm doing, but it is too hard to vent to women who haven't been through this before. I don't really know how to explain it...it's just how I feel.
My dad made a joke out of it (our failed IVF) that made me chuckle. He told me he would really like to have a grandchild before he is in a nursing home or has to use his own rocking chair. Michael's response to that was...I'd really like to have a child before I'm in a nursing home. We definetly aren't getting any younger.
If only someone would have told me, when I was in my twenties, that I would have trouble having children...I would have started as soon as Michael and I got married. I thought I was doing the responsible thing by waiting until I received my masters and making sure I was as prepared as I could possibly be.
I know a few years down the road we will look back at this journey and wonder what were we worried about because it will all work out in the end....I just wish we would get to the end a little quicker.
My dad made a joke out of it (our failed IVF) that made me chuckle. He told me he would really like to have a grandchild before he is in a nursing home or has to use his own rocking chair. Michael's response to that was...I'd really like to have a child before I'm in a nursing home. We definetly aren't getting any younger.
If only someone would have told me, when I was in my twenties, that I would have trouble having children...I would have started as soon as Michael and I got married. I thought I was doing the responsible thing by waiting until I received my masters and making sure I was as prepared as I could possibly be.
I know a few years down the road we will look back at this journey and wonder what were we worried about because it will all work out in the end....I just wish we would get to the end a little quicker.
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