What else can you do?

I was talking to an acquaintance a few days ago and telling her about the couple who had six placements through Bethany and all six birthmothers had changed their minds. I was expressing how I can't even imagine going through that and she commented with...I'm surprised they kept trying to adopt. Her comment got me thinking...

What else could they do? If that couple was anything like us...they wanted a child and were unable to have one naturally. While they were heartbroken over and over again they had no choice, but to keep pushing on. To just stop trying to adopt would result in an even harder type of heartbreak...knowing you would possibly never have the opportunity to welcome a child into your family. If you stop and think about it that couple, Michael and myself are at the mercy of a birthmother wanting us to raise her child. If a birthmother doesn't have a connection with our profile than we are left waiting.

It may sound funny, but if you have a child or are able to have children, please cherish that ability. I would give anything to have a birthmother place her child with us in the very near future or to be able to get pregnant. I can't make things happen, and I can't make a bithmother choose us.

One Year

Today marks one year since my first post...time goes so fast! We were at a much different place when I started blogging. We've been through so many emotions and ups and downs since last March. I had to do an ice breaker at bible study last week where I had to pick a crayon whose color represented something about my life or personality. I chose blue because I'm at peace with my life right now. It also reminded me of the ocean and how the ocean is so calming.

I'm so happy that I started this blog...it has been so therapeutic. I hope to keep blogging when we have a child and eventually let my child read our family story and my entries to him or her.

First Recruitment Email

Since we are approved as a waiting family, we will start receiving what the agency calls recruitment emails. These emails come for various reasons. The emails contain information about a birthmother and baby. We read the information and if we are interested in possibly adopting the baby then we would email back. Once we email back we would be given more information and can decide if we are still willing to adopt the baby. The birthmother would then read the profiles of all the waiting families that responded and choose the one that she feels is the best match for her baby.

We received the first one yesterday. It is hard not to respond immediately and say...yes, we are interested, but we felt this baby wasn't a good match for us. I pray that this birthmother is able to find the perfect fit for her precious child.

Birthmother Quote

I was on Facebook today and the adoption agency had posted this quote from a birthmother...it brought tears to my eyes. I will never truly understand what a birthmother goes through, but the strength it must take to make an adoption plan for your baby requires so much courage and selfless love.

“My heart grew in my chest the moment I laid eyes on him. Had I loved him any less - one ounce less - he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart. I didn’t just feel love; I did what love dictated.” - Tamra, birthmother

It's Official

We are officially a waiting family! Our profile, video, and Dear Birthmother letter are all on the Bethany website. I would love to link it, but Michael and I realized we need to be careful with what we post on the blog since our last name is part of the web address. We don't want anyone being able to link our profile back to our blog. If you want to view it you will have to visit the agencies website and look under family profiles.

Our home study arrived in the mail today. We have to read it, sign it and send it back. It is 12 pages long! I keep meaning to ask our social worker who actually gets to read our home study. I'm sure it will be used during the legal proceedings, but I'm not sure who else views it.

Please continue to pray for our unborn baby and our baby's birthmother.

Dresser/Changing Table

We added another piece of furniture to our nursery this weekend. We were able to buy a dresser/hutch from my friend/coworker who didn't need it anymore. It looks perfect in the nursery. We won't use the hutch until our child gets older because we are going to use the dresser for our changing table too. Everything is coming along. I'm hoping to find a white glider too, but I haven't found one I like in a store and it scares me to order one online. I want to be able to sit in it before I make the purchase.

The Waiting Begins

The last visit went well. It was a little emotional too...thinking about what could or couldn't happen and hearing stories about couples who have had to go through so many heartbreaks before they finally had the "perfect" match. I'm actually a little scared now that we are almost a waiting family. I mean our journey has been 4 years and it feels like it is never ending. The fact that we might have a happy ending soon scares me. I'm not even sure that I know how to explain it. Yes, right now is a happy time but we may have more hurdles to cross before we can be truly at ease. The next exciting step would be that we have a placement, but just because a birth mother chooses us doesn't mean anything is guaranteed. Our social worker was telling us that one family had six placements and each time the birth mother changed her mind. I can't even begin to imagine! I don't even want to go through one...let alone six. I asked her when it is that the birth mother usually changes her mind and she said normally it is at the hospital after the baby is born. Obviously that is when the birth mother would be the most emotional. It takes a strong woman to make an adoption plan for her baby. 

I pray for our baby and birth mother. Our baby may have already been conceived. I pray that our baby's birth mother is doing well and has the support she needs to make such a courageous decision in her life. I pray that our birth mother is being responsible during her pregnancy and caring for her unborn baby as I would if it were in my body. To my unborn baby..."Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it". 

Please pray for our unborn baby, our baby's birth mother, and for us as we begin to wait for God to bring us our precious bundle of joy!